I just turned forty. My almost six year old can’t wait to turn six soon, and hence thinks turning forty must be most amazing. Learning from her, I just want to take it all in and celebrate. In fact, there is a lot to celebrate about turning forty including health, family, friends, plus more social and emotional maturity to continue to explore and grow. Every decade in my life has been absolutely beautiful and I’m really grateful. Thirties is when I got married, had kids, and really faced the world on my own. It is also when I made many serious life decisions and dealt with challenges that seemed beyond my control. For the thirty year olds who are now actively striving to make their own marks, here are my top five lessons so you can live even richer and fuller lives:
Marriage only works when both are fully committed to making it work. It is hard work. It has to be the number one priority for both sides to last. Through infertility struggles, pregnancy complication, pandemic with two young kids while both working demanding full time jobs threw us out of balance many times. In those times, we made sure we’re always communicating both our fears and hopes. We tried to be the best supporters of each other and the family we created. Thanks to my husband, we were able to keep the promise we made at the beginning of our marriage to not go to bed angry. No matter how frustrated we were at each other or in life in general, he would hand out an olive branch to talk things through. With young kids, you can easily feel so wiped out at night that having serious conversation with your spouse is the last thing that you want to do. However, if you don’t talk about what’s bothering you inside right away with your partner, it will continue to pile up till you explode. Don’t make that mistake. Don’t let things simmer. No matter how tired you are from kids, work, and just life, prioritize talking things through with your life partner because trust me, that will save marriage and it’s so worth it.
Small things are the big things. Small moments are the big moments. Since at a young age, we’re brainwashed by the society that what’s visible is what we should always go after. It’s as though one person’s defined by the house we live in, the car we drive, the bag that we carry, the title that we have, and the fancy trips we take abroad. Nothing can be further from the truth. Joy from those can last a few weeks and in time, these things alone can make you feel really empty and lonely. What I found to be incredibly fulfilling and joyful from deep inside are the silly dance moments with kids after dinner, snuggles, and them saying I love you unprompted. If you’re feeling hollow, invest in the small things, the small moments with people that matter most to you. You’ll immediately feel the difference and realize what life really is all about.
Friendships evolve as we all evolve. “Best friends forever” is a catchy line that frequently misguides people into thinking that friendship is always easy and happy. What this line doesn’t tell us is how both friends must remain committed, forgiving, and empathetic of each other for the friendships to last. Lucky for me, I have found truest friends. There were many however, whom I spent significant time with that grew apart either naturally or intentionally. That is ok and perfectly normal. We’re all meant to continue to grow and evolve. With open hearts and minds, life journey will present many opportunities to again meet and make new awesome friends, even when you’re older. Take time to invest in friendships. Don’t hold grudge with friends that you want to keep. Be the first to reach out to say hello, just thinking of you.
Choose love over resentment with family. Family will get more complicated as we age. If you choose to get married, then the uncomfortable in-law dynamics kick-in. Everyone in the family is trying to adjust to being in a bigger family with the in-laws. Just like marriage and friendships, you’ll have to work and be committed for the family to be in close amicable relationships. Now, you’re seeing the pattern here. For all relationships in life, we must be intentional and must invest time. With families, the key is to treat them with utmost love and care, have no expectations, and always choose to give the benefit of the doubt. Always be on the giving side than on receiving, if you can. Family bond is strong and also very delicate at the same time. Family relationships must continuously be nurtured with water and sunlight for it to continue to flourish.
Your choices will really set the foundation for the rest of your life. Up to twenties, we grow up under our parents’ guidance and protection. Twenties, everyone’s at the same start line as we get to know the world and ourselves. Thirties, we make independent choices that have significant impact on the kind of life we want to live. Sure till our twenties, we may be tempted to blame our parents for things that didn’t go the way we wanted. In thirties, there is really no one else to blame, but you. Be deliberate and thoughtful when making life decisions in thirties. Think first what kind of life you want to live, and make decisions that are aligned to that. In my case, I decided I want to live a balanced, and value based life. In thirties, I tried to make decisions that are aligned to this approach. Our life is a reflection of the choices that we make. Unfortunately, we’re not given much time to make too many mistakes in our adult life. Let’s be intentional with our choices to live the life we dreamed of.
Looking ahead, I’m excited for the life that I’ll continue to build with all my loved ones. I will strive to be my best self everyday. I will treat each day with positivity and enthusiasm. There will be no comparisons, except with my previous self. I will focus on the intangibles vs the tangibles. I will think long-term vs short-term. I will be very intentional about with whom and how I spend my time. I will choose love. I will be easy on myself. I will have (even more) fun. Hello, new decade. So nice to meet you. Really look forward to getting to know you!
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