I always knew that giving is important. Giving made me feel like I made a meaningful impact to those in need. In fact, ‘giving is receiving’ has been one of the mantras I had since teenage years. As I grew older, I started wondering, is there a right way to give? How do you more deeply integrate giving into daily life instead of doing it only during the ‘Give Back Week’? Here are top 3 misconceptions I had about giving that will help you feel empowered to make a difference now.
Misconception #1: Only big amount counts. Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, and Chan Zuckerberg Initiative are what I had in mind when I thought of giving. I assumed only ‘successful’ people or big corporations can make real impact. I actively participated in my company’s annual Give Back Week and thought I was making impact primarily because I’m a member of a big corporation. I will focus on working now, so that I can one day give back when I’m ‘successful’, I thought.
This recently changed when I saw the real impact of a small act of giving. I had a little red tricycle lying around in our storage that my kids barely got to use. The kids quickly outgrew this tricycle that still looked brand new. I remembered one of our preschool teachers has a girl who is old enough to ride it. When I reached out to the teacher, she was thrilled that we were giving it to her. She said she checked on a tricycle at a used baby goods store just this past weekend, and couldn’t get it because it fell apart the moment she lifted it. She hoped to get a tricycle for her little girl one day, and thought she’ll just have to patiently wait. I could imagine the biggest smile on the girl’s face riding on this little red tricycle. I felt like I made the most meaningful difference.
Giving is a way of life and it really doesn’t require money or titles. It also is a key to a fuller and more fulfilling life. We can all start living it now at absolutely no cost, if we only let it.
Misconception #2: The world takes advantage of nice people. It is important to first distinguish that not all nice people are givers. People can seem nice, but if they are not genuine and only putting their own interests first, then they can’t be givers. Moreover, this misconception assumes that the world we live in is a zero-sum game when in fact, it is the exact opposite. Giving opens up an opportunity to co-create so that 1+1 can equal 3.
Having grown up as a good girl, I was conscious to not always be seen as the nice girl. I didn’t want to be seen as the perpetual giver because then I thought people may take advantage of me. I was coming from a place of fear and too focused on myself. Being the authentically nice, assertive, and helpful person is completely possible if the focus is put on the impact on the others.
I learned this lesson early when my family moved to the Philippines from South Korea. I was in 5th grade, and didn’t speak a word of English. During recess, I noticed that some girls were playing with a ball. I gladly helped pick it up and passed the ball if it came my way. Soon, I sensed that some girls were now expecting me to pick up their balls. It hurt me deeply. I felt taken advantage of, and thought the school was full of mean girls who were out there to get me. Then, the music class came where English was not needed. I was in the same group with the mean girls, who did not know much about musical notes or instruments. Instead of turning away, I taught them musical notes using my recorder. Before I knew it, I was teaching the whole class how to play a recorder. Beautiful friendships blossomed as a result, and we now cherish these memories.
Whenever I managed to fully focus on the impact on the others, I felt the free flowing of creativity and positive energy as though I just opened a box of honey. I just stepped into the place of abundance and that’s where I choose to be in.
Misconception #3: Giving is the only way. In order for giving to thrive, we also need to learn to receive. Arianna Huffington describes giving and receiving as breathing in and out. We need to deeply breath in to breath out. I did not know this, and I made multiple mistakes along the way. When people gave me a compliment, I always felt the need to compliment back right away. What’s worse, I tried to up the compliments I received every time. If someone told me my hair looked good today, for instance, I would say, “oh, your hair aways looks great!”. When someone gave a gift, I made sure I reciprocated with another gift pretty quickly. Thought that was the etiquette and I was being polite.
Boy, I was wrong. By not fully receiving, I missed the chance to have the other person feel fully appreciated. I was unintentionally making the other person feel less, because I didn’t let him/her enjoy the beautiful giving moment. Now when people compliment, I fully accept it, and just say “thank you” with a heartfelt smile. That’s breathing in, which allows for another right opportunity to breath out.
I’m no longer waiting for the organized charity events to give. I’m not afraid to be my authentic nice self to give. I’m in the process of building the everyday-giving muscle, and I’m feeling the positive changes for myself and people around me. We all have so much to offer. We just have to open our eyes and see what the world needs from us today. Remember, it’s ok if we only received, because that in itself opened up the world of giving for another person.
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