I failed. This is if I use the old metrics I used to measure success when I was in my twenties. I don’t have a fancy title, earn a whole bunch of money that will allow me to retire early, or have a big team of people that report to me. This used to bother me in my early thirties. I was supposed to be this big-shot marketing executive when I’m 40. Wait, I’m already how old?
The best thing about aging is it really gives you more wisdom. In my late thirties, I began to realize I’m using the wrong metric to measure success. I was using the metric that wasn’t important to me anymore. Somewhere when I was busy pursuing my dreams while growing my own family, my priority changed. My metric of success now is living an authentic life by being a better person in every role I play at home and in society. I feel liberated. I feel deeply at peace and also very energized at the same time.
This is the story of a 39-year-old woman who’s come to make a life-changing career decision, that is to be a full-time mom from a full-time, career woman. I know I’m very fortunate even to have a choice to not work. It was, however, not an easy decision, and a big decision because of the impact it has on people dearest to me.
On the surface, we were doing perfectly fine. Two income, hardworking parents with two adorable kids. Underneath, my kids were eating more take-out foods than ever before and they were just left unattended when they came back home from school. We hurriedly put them to bed every day just so that I can get back to my fifty unopen emails that evening. Was I enjoying my work? Some of it. What really got me to make this decision was when I realized how frequently my husband and I were getting into arguments. We both found ourselves to be more easily irritated and impatient. Red flags everywhere. Two-full time working parents while raising young kids can work if there is close family support nearby or a dedicated full-time or almost full-time nanny. For us, we didn’t have any family close by, and hiring a full-time nanny was not something we wanted. Hence, the decision that we made.
I just sent the farewell email to the company I worked for the past 10 years. I feel good and excited about my next chapter. The process of coming to this decision though was hard. For anyone who’s contemplating, here is some of my advice:
Know your priority: Among all different facets of life such as health, career, family, spirituality, community, and others, really know what is most important to you in this phase of your life.
Listen to your inner voice: Decisions like this are deeply personal. Trust me, everyone will have strong opinions on this. Anticipate push backs from those whom you think know you well. My mom, for instance, strongly opposed this idea, and it took multiple conversations to have her see my perspective. She’s still not fully convinced but decided to support her daughter’s decision. Trust your inner voice.
Embrace your decision: It is a huge adjustment not just for yourself but for everyone around you. Especially, the dynamic between you and your husband will inevitably change. Having constant dialogues with your significant other through these changes is critical to support each other.
At 39, I have fully declared to the world that I choose to live a life ordinary, and I can’t be happier. I am thrilled about what the future holds for me and my family.
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