Having attended a women’s university in Korea, I had let’s just say ample chances to go on multiple versions of dates a.k.a group dates, blind dates, speed dates, set up dates, etc. In every first date, I tried to show my kind, supportive, and affectionate side and never talk about my ambitions to make a difference. Talking about my career dreams was a sure way to get ‘ding-ed’. Trust me, I did not like all of them by any means. It was my way of experimenting to see what gets the most positive responses from a guy. Even after the successful first dates though, most didn’t last long because they soon found out I have an ambitious career goal. That’s when I realized ok, if I want to be with a guy and be myself at the same time, I’ll have to meet someone who’s more accomplished and driven than me so that he’s not intimidated by my career dreams. Confidence, in addition to sense of humor, are by far what make a man most attractive to a woman. Based on what I experienced, female doctors couldn’t marry male nurses because they were intimidated by the female doctors’ accomplishments.
This is not to say that there are many women who would only date men who are more accomplished for traditional reasons. They bring home the bacon, and also provide financial stability. This also is less controversial so there’s less explaining to do with families and friends.
For these women who are only looking to marry more accomplished people for traditional reasons, I suggest to think differently:
What’s most important in a relationship is the chemistry between the individuals. 1+1 will equal 3+ if the chemistry is strong, regardless of each one’s job titles.
Jobs change but the essence of the person remains. In our lifetime, it is estimated that people will have 10–12 jobs and 2–3 careers. Look beyond the current job to see what this person wants to achieve in life.
For a practical reason, if you’re only looking to date more accomplished people when you’re already that person, the pool gets very small, pretty quickly. It’s all about timing and you don’t want to waste your prime time limiting yourself to a very small (and probably also very competitive) pool.
The key takeaway is this: look beyond the materialistic, surface value. Get to know the person. See what makes him tick. Regardless of his current job title, do you see the spark in him? Can you be your driven, ambitious self around him and laugh together on silly things? Well, then maybe it’s totally worth dressing up and going on that second date. Who knows, maybe you just found your better half!
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